by Judith Johnson Perhaps you have heard fellow MSIA ministers talking about officiating at weddings and thought of doing so yourself. Maybe you’ve hesitated out of fear or just haven’t known how to go about it. That’s what happened to me in 1991 when I had the first inkling that I wanted to perform wedding ceremonies. At a ministers’ meeting, as a fellow minister was sharing about his experiences as a wedding officiant, I felt something inside of me reaching to have that for myself. Part of my reason for writing this article is to share the things I have learned about performing weddings and I wish I had known when I started. I am hoping that, in doing so, I can support and encourage those of you who are wanting to participate in this wonderful expression of your ministry. It was hearing about the blessings that another minister was receiving through the process of officiating at weddings that began my journey into this wonderful public expression of my ministry. So, I thought it would be helpful to talk to a few ministerial friends about the blessings they have received through officiating and share them with you. I spoke to Lou Tenaglia, Joan Beisel, Kathryn Kienke, and Mary Jane Weiss and we were all remarkably consistent in what we had to say: -It is a blessing to be called into service by Spirit each time a couple calls or emails to inquire about your availability and then to choose into these opportunities. -It is a blessing to serve as a minister in the larger community beyond our spiritual family, both to let ourselves be known in that way and to serve as vehicles of the Traveler Consciousness. - It is a blessing to claim your ministry publicly, which deepens and grounds it within. -It is a blessing to validate the spiritual journeys of the many couples who are looking for a bridge between the religions they were born into and what they now believe or are seeking to find. -It is a blessing to hold the Light for others, while being cleansed and uplifted by the Light yourself. No matter what is going on in your personal life, it is eased through this grace. -It is a blessing and a profound privilege to serve as a vehicle of the Light – to feel its presence flow through you and sweep across the audience. -It is a blessing to consistently get feedback from couples, their families and friends about the heartfelt quality of the ceremony and the universal presence of spirit beyond any religious definitions. And, as though these are not enough reasons to run out and perform weddings, there is a genuine need for interfaith and ecumenical ministers to offer their services. Today more and more couples of all ages are choosing to design their own wedding ceremony. Many say they want a spiritual and heartfelt ceremony without presenting the beliefs of a particular faith. They want a ritual that truly celebrates their unique set of beliefs, values, and life circumstances. As ecumenical ministers, we are particularly well-suited to assist them. Yet, as we are not affiliated with church buildings and congregations, we are harder for couples to find and therefore need to make an effort to be visible. In my case, as luck would have it, about a week after deciding I wanted to officiate at weddings, I saw an ad for a small local Bridal Expo. So, I printed up some business cards and bravely stepped out for the first time in the role of the public Reverend Judith Johnson. At the Expo, I distributed my cards to some of the vendors. Soon thereafter, I received a call from a couple interested in having me perform their wedding. The bakery they had chosen to do their cake had given them my card! As I drove to the couple’s house, I prayed a lot and felt like an absolute fraud. Yes, I was duly ordained in 1985, but I had not yet really claimed my ministry publicly, nor were there any sufficient resources available to tell me what would be expected of me in this new role. So, I chose the ‘fake it till you make it’ path. Now, fifteen years and hundreds of weddings later, I am rich beyond measure for this experience. Each time I perform a ceremony, I am still in awe of spirit’s presence as the couple enters into the sacred covenant of marriage followed by my declaration, by the authority vested in me through MSIA that they are husband and wife. It is such a privilege to bring forward the energy of the Traveler to these gatherings. Imagine, simply by officiating at weddings, I get to open the door to the Traveler Consciousness to thousands of people each year. I stumbled my way into this, and then Spirit and serendipity gave me the momentum to carry on. If you are interested in beginning to perform weddings, here are some ideas to get you started. Be Grounded in Your Ministry and Expect to Learn and Grow Through This Experience In my first year or two of officiating at weddings, I used to have occasional panic attacks, where I would find myself in front of a hundred or more people, all looking at me, and unable to utter a word. The thing that really helped to center me was calling in the Light and taking a few breaths as inconspicuously as possible. I talked with John Morton about my anxiety and he said it came up because I didn’t feel worthy of being a minister, let alone serving in this capacity. And so, I worked on opening up to receive and know myself as worthy and that, in itself, has been an enormous blessing. I also make sure to do my spiritual exercises and to maintain a strong daily connection to Spirit. When I arrive at the ceremony location, for both the rehearsal and the ceremony, I place a light column and make it a point to send the Light to the couple and their families and guests. Most of all, I keep reminding myself that I am there in loving service to others and that I am grateful to have this opportunity to serve. Find Out About The Legalities The two governing authorities for wedding ceremonies in the United States are church and state. Both legislate the credentialing of clergy and the eligibility of couples to marry. In terms of our credentials as clergy, we have two requirements in MSIA. We must be ministers in good standing and we must abide by the laws of the land. In other words, we must comply with the laws in the state in which the ceremony is being performed. I have found it best to check in with the town or city clerk’s office to be sure I am duly qualified to officiate in their jurisdiction. About thirty miles from my home, the states of Massachusetts, New York and Connecticut intersect and all three have different laws regarding weddings. In New York, for example, if officiating at a wedding within the five boroughs of Manhattan, you must register your ministerial credentials at City Hall. Yet, one hundred miles away in the Hudson River Valley, where I now live, there are no requirements to register ministerial credentials. The states of Connecticut and New York have reciprocity, meaning if you are legally recognized in one state and performing a ceremony in the other, your credentials will be honored without any paperwork. In contrast, each time I perform a ceremony in the state of Massachusetts, as out-of-state clergy, I must petition the governor’s office with a standardized form. In terms of a couple’s eligibility for a marriage license, laws also differ by state and the town or city clerk’s office can provide that information as well. Since it is the officiant’s responsibility to file the marriage license, I ask couples to give their license to me at the rehearsal so I can check it over and arrange to have it signed right after the ceremony. As a precaution, I always make a copy of the signed license before sending it in to the town or city clerk who issued it. Decide Specifically What Services You Are Going To Offer And How You Will Charge For Your Services It is not uncommon to feel uncomfortable at first about charging for your ministerial services. But, consider the fact that traditional clergy are financially supported by their congregation and typically receive a healthy donation for performing a wedding ceremony as well. I consider it a great privilege to be able to officiate at weddings and tend to go fairly well above and beyond the call of duty in the services I provide. In a nutshell, I charge a flat fee that includes the design of the ceremony, the rehearsal, and the ceremony itself. While it would involve less time and effort on my part to simply show up for the ceremony, and either discourage couples from having a rehearsal or leave the rehearsal to the location or bridal consultant, I choose to facilitate the rehearsals myself. In this way, I know that I will attend to all the details and, as a result, the ceremony is more likely to go off with grace and ease. I make a commitment up front to my couples to assist them in designing a ceremony that will truly reflect their unique set of beliefs, values, and life circumstances. The process for doing so varies to some extent, but is fairly predictable. Usually, my first contact with a couple is either by phone or email, inquiring about my availability and fee. If they are still interested, we set up an appointment to meet at my home for the purposes of getting to know one another. For most couples, this is the first time they have ever sat down with a minister and are fairly uncomfortable initially. I generally spend an hour with them, setting them at ease, discussing their ceremony and the process of how we would work together. I have created a form to keep track of the information I gather in these meetings. I make it a point to ask couples ahead of time to wait until after leaving to make their decision about whether or not they want me to be the one to perform their wedding ceremony. This allows them time to talk things over together and not to feel pressured during our meeting. For couples who are not geographically accessible, we have this meeting on the phone. If a couple decides they want me to officiate their wedding, they send me a deposit and that locks in the dates of their rehearsal and ceremony on my calendar. Depending on how much time we have until the wedding, we set a series of deadlines for the design of the ceremony. This will include figuring out all logistical details for the processional, recessional, site layout, and ceremonial text and whatever else comes up along the way. I like to have the ceremony design complete at least a month before the wedding day so it won’t become part of the last-minute planning. Also, since the officiant typically does the majority of the speaking during the ceremony, I maintain the master copy of the ceremony text to ensure capturing all changes. Decide How And Where To Market Your Services Since most ceremonies that are not held in a place of worship take place at reception facilities, you can check local magazines, newspapers, bridal magazines, and websites for listings of wedding reception facilities in your area. I usually limit myself to a one-hour driving radius from my home. Once you have researched potential locations, design a business card or flyer and introduce yourself to the bridal or location coordinator at each of the facilities. It may also be helpful to ask around in our MSIA community or to look at how other ministers present themselves on wedding websites. Once you get going, you might decide to invest in a web page on a local or regional wedding site. For example, I am listed under Officiants on www.hudsonvalleyweddings.com and have just put up my own website at www.judithjohnson.com. At this point, about half of my wedding referrals come from the internet and the rest come from reception locations and previous weddings. Find Resources That You Will Be Comfortable Working With To Guide You In Helping Couples Create Their Wedding Ceremony I wrote my new book, The Wedding Ceremony Planner: The Essential Guide to the Most Important Part of Your Wedding Day (Sourcebooks, Inc. ISBN: 1-4022-0343-8), because I could not find the level of detail and range of alternatives I needed. The Wedding Ceremony Planner is available at all major booksellers. While written primarily for couples, the book is also intended to be a reference manual for clergy in this aspect of their ministry. The book includes a step-by-step guide to designing the ceremony text, ten sample ceremonies, and discussions and worksheets to think through and manage all the profound and mundane logistical details. There are also special sections for clergy that address how to run a wedding rehearsal and the overall process of working with couples. And yes, there are other good books out there. At this point, I have a library full of wedding ceremony books, but, as you can imagine, I am partial to one in particular now. It is my hope that between The Wedding Ceremony Planner and this article, those of you who are starting to officiate at weddings will have all the help you need to step out in confidence reaping and sharing the blessings of your ministry. May you be blessed in all ways, always. |
|
Traveler
Q&A |
On
the Road |
|
More
Current Features:
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
